Umm...obesity epidemic anyone?

File this under "I'm too lazy to walk in from the next parking space"...



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Mmmm...business cards...om nom nom?

"Wow, it was great talking to you, but I'd like to consider your offer carefully. May I call you later?"

"Sure, here's my card."

"But...but...that's a piece of beef jerky!"

"No, it's business card made by laser-engraving my contact info into a piece of beef jerky."

"Oh...I see what you did there!"

We start with 100% beef jerky, and SEAR your contact information into it with a 150 WATT CO2 LASER.

Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS.

'Cause that's just what this world needs more of...meat and lasers...

via Uncrate

Weapons of Music Distortion

Who knew that iTunes was so versatile?

via FailBlog

Mmmm......bacon?

What is it with bacon?

I mean, I seem to be seeing bacon-flavored this and bacon-flavored that all over the place lately. From bacon-flavored salt and mayo, to chocolate, to jellybeans, and now...

Vodka

Yes, bacon-flavored vodka, incredible as that may seem. Here's the description from the website:

Bakon Vodka is a superior quality potato vodka with a savory bacon flavor. It’s clean, crisp, and delicious. This is the only vodka you’ll ever want to use to make a Bloody Mary, and it's a complementary element of both sweet and savory drinks.

They have a section with recipes that includes that Bloody Mary (that doesn't sound too bad) as well as a couple of other drinks and a bacon-vodka marinade for steak (which actually sounds pretty tasty).

I imagine most of us are familiar with citrus and other fruit-infused vodkas as well as some other flavors (like vanilla, or sweet tea), but bacon just strikes me as an odd pairing for vodka (interesting recipes notwithstanding). I mean, look at this other little marketing tidbit from the website:

No tinge or burn on the tongue, no obnoxious smoky or chemical flavors, just a clean refreshing potato vodka with delicious savory bacon flavor.

Pure. Refreshing. Bacon.

Refreshing? Bacon? While bacon may be many things (mmmmmm), I don't usually think of "refreshing" as an adjective that applies to the cured and crispy-fried belly meat and fat of a dead animal...

I love crispy-fried bacon with breakfast (occasionally...got to watch the fat!), I enjoy bacony Bac-Os on salads (they make very bite better!), I've tried the bacon-flavored chocolate (not bad) and I think the bacon salt and mayo are probably pretty good too. But I'm going to draw the line at bacon-flavored vodka.

Beginner's luck?!?

For David J. and Matt D. and any other avid golfers:

A 62-year-old Norwegian woman decided to take up golf as a sport/hobby. After some lessons she went to the first tee, swung, and got a hole in one. First day, first hole, first swing. "I didn't know it was that big of a deal,'' she told the St. Petersburg Times. "I thought all golfers do this.''

HT: TYWKIWDBI

Is that a phaser in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

The perfect scent for the Sci-Fi obsessed geek...Star Trek perfume! For sale soon from GenkiWear.

Yes, now you too can wear the signature scent of James Tiberius Kirk, or don the fear-tinged aroma of the hapless red shirt guy:

There will be three different fragrances. Tiberius is described as "difficult to define and impossible to refuse," according to Genki. It smells of sweet citron zest, black pepper, cedar, warm vanilla, white musk, and sandalwood. The hell? OK, scratch this one. Not nearly manly enough.

Next up is "Red Shirt," with the tagline "Because Tomorrow May Never Come" (LOL! Get it? Cause they always get killed...ahem). This one has base notes of leather and gray musk. Now we're talking. Although, what the hell does gray musk smell like exactly? Might want to research that before you buy.

Lastly is "Pon Farr." This one is actually for the ladies and is said to "drive him wild." Hmmm, you probably won't want to use this on any guys dressed as Klingons. Or maybe you do, if you're into that sorta thing.

Just the thing for the love-starved Trekkie. 'Cause nothing says, "Man, I am so gonna get lucky tonight!" like Star Trek cologne...

The Moral Bankruptcy of the Catholic Church

As if the pedophile priest cover-ups didn't already expose the Church for the evil fraud it has become, this disgusting scenario should make it plain:

In Brazil, a 9-year-old girl was raped and, improbably enough for her age, became pregnant as a consequence (with twins, no less). Abortion is illegal in Brazil, but judges can order them if certain circumstances obtain (life of the mother in danger, etc). In this circumstance, doctors at the hospital confirmed that her uterus was too small to carry the children to term safely and so an abortion was approved.

But the Catholic Church, quite influential in a country where the majority of citizens profess to be Roman Catholic, objected. The Church, in the person of the local Archbishop, actually attempted legal action to intervene and prevent the abortion. The Catholic Church attempted to force a nine-year-old girl to carry and deliver the children of her rapist. In a win for decency, if nothing else, they lost and the young girl was allowed to terminate the pregnancies.

The lawyer for the Archdiocese of Olinda and Recife had the utter gall to state that the girl should have carried the twins to term and then they could have been delivered by cesarean section. As if this insane statement weren't bad enough, when the Church failed and the abortion went through as planned, the archbishop of the diocese actually excommunicated the girl, her family, and the medical staff that assisted.

This is nothing less than utter madness and unconscionable moral degeneracy. One is forced to wonder, upon reading of such an horror, if these....things....can even be called human, so little humanity is present in their words and actions. How does the thinking of a man become so twisted, so detached from common moral decency that he could even for a nanosecond consider forcing a nine-year-old child to carry a pregnancy to term? How is it possible for a man to consider a clump of cells the moral equivalent of a living, breathing innocent? If the rape weren't enough of an ordeal for this poor child, these evil, evil men would have forced her to risk her life and health for the nine-month duration of pregnancy, and then force her again to submit to life and health-threatening surgery so that she could be...what? a baby-making machine? She would certainly be unable to mother the children, being literally only a child herself? Didn't their "Christ" preach compassion? What in hell were these monsters thinking?

As I've said before, these are the natural consequences of death-worship. The Church likes to style itself as pro-life, but as these types of situations reveal, they are anything but. This is nothing less than anti-life. In their rejection of reason, they have rejected humanity and human values and thus any possibility of morality. As a result, they blunder towards the abyss, dragging their fellow travelers and luckless innocents along with them.

I feel sorry for the girl, her family, and their medical caregivers as they will likely have to endure some stigma attached to the (in reality) vacuous label of excommunicant. Hopefully the experience will be enough to reveal to them the truly evil nature of the ideology that could lead men to attempt to enslave and inflict horrific violence upon an innocent child, and empower them to reject it and embrace their own human nature as the only real source of true moral value.

It knows no bounds...

Overheard at a Starbucks on Friday: "What have you got that's hot?"

Always trust Google maps!

Google Maps result for driving directions from Seattle, WA to Honolulu, HI:

2,804 mi – about 14 days 6 hours

Seattle, WA‎
1. Head northeast on Broad St toward Taylor Ave N
About 1 min - 0.5 mi
2. Turn left at Westlake Ave N
About 4 mins - 1.6 mi
3. Turn right at 4th Ave N
go 489 ft
4. Continue on Fremont Bridge
go 0.2 mi
5. Turn right at N 34th St
About 1 min - 0.3 mi
6. Turn right at Stone Way N
go 128 ft
7. Turn left at N Northlake Way
About 1 min - 0.2 mi
8. Kayak across the Pacific Ocean
Entering Hawaii
About 14 days 5 hours - 2,756 mi
9. Slight right at Turtle Bay Hilton
go 0.1 mi
10. Turn left at Kuilima Dr
About 2 mins - 0.5 mi
11. Turn right at HI-83
About 19 mins - 10.5 mi
12. Continue on Joseph P Leong Hwy
About 3 mins - 1.9 mi
13. Slight right at HI-99/N Kamehameha Hwy
Continue to follow N Kamehameha Hwy
About 14 mins - 8.6 mi
14. Merge onto I-H2 S via the ramp to Honolulu
About 9 mins - 8.2 mi
15. Merge onto I-H1 E
About 5 mins - 4.5 mi
16. Take exit 13B to merge onto I-H201 E
About 6 mins - 4.7 mi
17. Continue on I-H1 E
About 6 mins - 5.2 mi
18. Take exit 25A for King St
go 0.2 mi
19. Turn right at Waialae Ave
go 98 ft
20. Continue on S King St
About 1 min - 0.2 mi
21. Continue on S Beretania St
go 20 ft

Honolulu, HI‎

HT: The Agitator

Your name is FANTASTIC!

A little old news, but still pretty funny. From the BBC:

A teenager has changed his birth name by deed poll to incorporate several comic book superheroes.

George Garratt from Glastonbury has become Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined.

The 19-year-old music student made the change "for a bit of a laugh", through a legally-recognised website.

He said: "I decided on a superheroes theme and whenever my friends offered up suggestions to me, I added them."

He added: "My family have begun to expect these sorts of things from me, and although my friends thought it was ridiculous most people do call me Captain and it's been a great conversation starter."

A spokesman from The Legal Deed Poll Service, said: "We get so many outrageous name changes that these days it barely fazes us, but when this one was brought to my attention I knew there was something special about it."

What a great idea! I'm thinking of changing my name to Super Spider Killer Monkey Doo-Wap-Diddy Purple People Eater Flying Wallenda Peter Griffin Armchair Mangrove Throat Warbler Spelt Luxury Yacht Jones.

But you can call me "Ted"...